I used to be well known as the kid that could always find the pony in the horse poop. Yet, as happens to most who grow up, I learned what it means to experience bitterness and exhaustion. This is not to say that I never tried to justify why I should have been allowed to feel these things. However, as someone who wants to embrace biblical masculinity in all areas of my life, I see how my increasingly negative outlook on life affected this goal. Really I have come to realize that the Lord has been giving me opportunities for growth and I have looked at some of them as hindrances to my happiness rather than seeing them as the Lord would have me.
In his letter to Jewish Christians scattered because of persecution James wrote, “Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” (Jas. 1:2–4 NASB95). I do not want to even begin to equate any hardship I have faced with those who experienced persecution and had to uproot their lives as they fled threats of martyrdom simply for being a Christian. But I do want to draw parallel to the lesson I believe the Lord has been teaching me over the last couple of years that I think I am now finally starting to understand.
Although I could complain about the many difficulties I perceive in my life, I see the need to become more content and even joyful in my circumstances. Not only for my own sake, but also for the sake of my family, coworkers, and anyone else who happens to cross my path. If I have ever needlessly complained to you, please take this as my formal apology. I see now how susceptible to complaining I was becoming, and even when I was only venting, I let frustration fester beyond a short lived rant. I am sure that to an extent I had become miserable to be around at times and my intention is that I will be faithful to leave this reputation behind.
Although, as with most things in my life, I recognize my tendency to overcorrect and to go too far in the opposite direction. This looks like me caring about something unimportant way too much, to not caring at all (even if I should to a degree). Because of this, I have a need to recognize that becoming more positive about my circumstances does not mean I need to be all sunshine and rainbows all the time. To do this would probably also be draining and detrimental to relationships in my life, just in a different way. Instead, what I will need to do is not simply focus on being less negative and complaining/grumbling, I also need to consider how I will fill this new void in my life.
If I am to get rid of complaining, I need to determine what or more specifically who will fill this area. While I could certainly do daily affirmations or some kind of positivity ritual every morning, the best thing I could put in the place of complaining is more Christ in my life. I do not want to sound overly spiritual, but as a longtime Christian, I see how poorly I get along when I try things on my own. Because of this, I even realize that I will never be able to completely stop having circumstances I want to vent about (I have a job, attend school, and have to interact with people on occasion), but I can take my problems to Christ.
I cry aloud with my voice to the Lord;
I make supplication with my voice to the Lord.
I pour out my complaint before Him;
I declare my trouble before Him.
When my spirit was overwhelmed within me,
You knew my path.
In the way where I walk
They have hidden a trap for me.
Look to the right and see;
For there is no one who regards me;
There is no escape for me;
No one cares for my soul.
I cried out to You, O Lord;
I said, “You are my refuge,
My portion in the land of the living.
“Give heed to my cry,
For I am brought very low;
Deliver me from my persecutors,
For they are too strong for me.
“Bring my soul out of prison,
So that I may give thanks to Your name;
The righteous will surround me,
For You will deal bountifully with me.” (Psalm 142)
In Psalm 142, we see that the psalmist (David, on the run from Saul) does not conclude that he has no reason to complain. Rather, he brings his complaints to the only One who can truly do anything about them. More than that, to complain to God, as we see in this psalm, requires that we approach the Lord with humility of spirit. We need to recognize that although we have open and free access to bring anything before Him at any time, we must do so in total dependance and reverence toward Him. To approach God without acknowledgment of our dependance implies that we need nothing from God, when really all that we need comes from Him and Him alone. To lack reverence is to treat The Lord like a genie whose sole purpose is to listen to our whining and complaining to only then have to endure our blatantly selfish wishlists.
Reserving my complaints for the Lord also helps me remember that it is only by His might that I can endure difficult situations well. “I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me” (Phil. 4:12–13). In his letter to the Philippians, Paul references that he has found the secret to contentment in any situation. As further proof of this point, we should keep in mind that Paul wrote this letter while bound in Roman chains. He could have easily griped about his circumstances—and I think most of us would affirm his right to do so—but Paul recognizes that he does not have to endure any hardship in his own strength.
Years ago, I heard a pastor teach that when faced with the challenges in life, there are really only three ways to respond: First, we can appeal to guilt. Second, we can appeal to pride. Thirdly, we can appeal to the way of Christ. To appeal to your guilt is to simply beat yourself up and think about how worthless you are for failing again. This proves ineffective in the long run as you will eventually become callous toward the guilty feelings and may even justify why you should be allowed to complain about challenging circumstances. To appeal to your pride is no better. When pride is the motivation to do better, you end up doing things by your own strength and may end up thinking that you are better than others when you succeed and justified when you do not. There is no growth here besides maybe your head.
The best way to deal with challenges in life is to look to Christ and His example. “Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross” (Phil. 2:5–8). To look to Christ helps us see the need for humility as we take on each day, knowing that no matter what we face, we do not have to face it alone. Despite challenging circumstances, we can honor Christ at every point because we have been empowered by Him to do so.
Pocket Theology 
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